Tailspin

It’s past noon and I am at last coming out of my surprise tailspin.

What has happened to my morning?

This business of healing, waking up, recovering, whatever you want to call it, is not linear. Or even circular. 

It’s more of a spiral. I come back around to things but I am not in the exact same place as previous encounters.

Recent events and of course today’s date tore open my stash of overwhelming grief. I didn’t know I had so much; realizing what has been lost is best noticed in nibbles.

I don’t know where I’m going but it’s better than where I’ve been, so I keep on. 

Tears are salt water, which is the cure for anything, and some days they just spill out, sloshing over the decks. I sail the unknown waters, searching. Sometimes I soar.

And sometimes I find myself in a tailspin. 

But then there are those times I catch a glimpse of me “before” as the wind tears at my hair and I hear the waves rushing past my ears.

Think. 

What grounds me?

I know this. 

Lifting. Music. Art. 

I can fly…I can do this…I don’t need to disappear. 

I gotchu, girl.